


Sink or Float

by Hopeful_Foolx



Series: Whumptober 2020 [7]
Category: The Amelia Project (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Gen, Isolation, Sleep Deprivation, Tagging this is so weird, Whumptober 2020, this is kind of sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:55:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26877790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopeful_Foolx/pseuds/Hopeful_Foolx
Summary: He is alone. He can't sleep.- Based on the Lockdown Tapes, but also... not?
Relationships: The Interviewer & Alvina
Series: Whumptober 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1945483
Comments: 13
Kudos: 14
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Sink or Float

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ailendolin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailendolin/gifts).



> I... I'll vanish now. I wrote that some time ago because I really wanted to write something for the fandom. This is loosely based on the lockdown tapes, but only in the fact that being lonely is not good. Which is also a fact so...? This fandom is so small I feel like everything I say is being recorded omg

Hiding is not something he is good at. In theory, of course, he is. Hiding is easy with a bit of training, but he is not good at it in another way: the whole isolating part. Hiding means that he is alone. And he can’t be alone, he can’t! Boredom is his biggest enemy, and everything becomes boring when he doesn’t have anyone to share the excitement with. He misses Alvina. Missing her starved off the sense of isolation for a short time, because he thought about it, polished the memories. He can’t sleep. Up until he did that with everyone, and he’s alone again. Their memories are no more than ghosts, and he doesn’t like ghosts. But they are not together, they are not running away together. The dice made a decision for all of them. He isn’t even really scared of anyone finding him, or the implications the agents made. He is scared, still. Of being alone. Of being forgotten. He needs  _ something _ to distract his mind, to keep him occupied. A client, a client’s story. He did something he never did before and even read one of Alvina’s files! The only one he has, because he can’t sleep. And he misses her. It’s more than that, he misses the building, he misses Salvatore, he misses… He misses all of them. And everything. But saying that he misses Alvina is easier, it breaks it down, because if he always counts all of it, he’ll make himself cry in the end and  _ no,  _ this is not happening. So he misses Alvina. And he can’t sleep. The thing about being on the run is, how it’s either extremely stressful or extremely, nerve-wreckingly boring. The first days had been like this, getting out, running away, too nervous to sleep, to stop. When he got here, he slept for almost a whole day, because he needed it. Sorted out what he had, what he needed. How he could contact the others. The rules coming with it, because they will wait for a signal. He waits for a signal. Any signal.    
He misses Alvina. He can’t sleep, lost in his thoughts and lost in memories. He misses her and he misses drinking cocoa with her. It’s the only small mercy he has, at least. When he closes his eyes, he can pretend to have conversations. He replays their conversations. The ones in the car, leaving the city behind. 

“Do you know where to go?” 

“Yes of course, will you be alright?” And of course she will be, more than him very likely because that’s just how she works, how she functions. He misses her.    
They had almost three days then. Too anxious to talk, to nervous to do anything. All on hold until now, until he is alone here. Did they make the right decision? Was it a good idea? What if it was not? Would he ever find out if the others got found?    
He sighs and rubs his eyes. He can’t sleep. He misses Alvina. He wants to sleep again, but it’s boring. Sleep is boring, waking up and having nothing to do besides worrying is boring. It’s boring to even think about it, and so he stays awake. He can’t sleep. He is tired and exhausted, thinking about the what-ifs doesn’t help, it just leaves him even more tired. He misses Alvina. He misses sleep. Only one of them is possible and it’s the wrong one. Is it normal that he feels so cold? Because he does. He is cold. And tired, when has he last slept? When was the last time he checked the clock? Does it matter? Being alone is so cold. He wants to go back. Would he be this alone in prison? It’s no option, but a thought: would he be? He would not, right? There would be people. Anyone. Alvina, maybe. And she’d be angry but she’d be there and he’d have a reason to do anything again. He can’t sleep. Would he be able to sleep there? It’s a good question. He thinks about it and his head hurts, he is cold. Is it cold in here? He wants a second opinion. He misses Alvina.    
What if he picks up the phone to call her? It is an emergency, is it not? Of some sort? 

He misses her. Is that an emergency? He can’t sleep. That is, at least?    
What if she doesn’t pick up? 

Her voice on the mailbox is already enough to make him gasp. How long has it been since he heard any voice that wasn’t his? 

“It’s me. I’m just… I need to know how…” he sighs. He misses her. He wants to sleep, “I can’t sleep” he adds, “and…” He doesn’t know what he says afterwards because he is tired and his head hurts, he is alone and has been for far too long. He wants to sleep. He misses Alvina.


End file.
